My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
