New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
