so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
