I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
