Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
