i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
