my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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