Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
