She said her name was "party"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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