All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
