you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
