Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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