Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize