eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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