...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
