the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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