get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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