when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
