just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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