My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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