6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
