Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
