it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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