what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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