she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
