It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My ATM looks so different sober.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
