you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
