i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
