oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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