Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
