just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
