i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
