My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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