Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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