I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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