fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
