I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
