She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
