the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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