someone get that fucking seahorse.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
third nipple confirmed
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
