The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
