did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
