So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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