I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
organizing the empties. That sober.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
