Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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