my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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