is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You dont lie about slip and slides
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
