Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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