its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
