well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
