i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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