oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
