we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
