Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
