I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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