I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
