yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
