mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
