This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I am spending my child support on dildos
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
