you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
this hospital has no fireball
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
