Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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