So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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