bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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