Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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