I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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