Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
