It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Sorry about my life...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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