Apparently you make a good broom.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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