when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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