3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just found a bag of teeth...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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