i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
