so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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