Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i've created a new STD.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
