If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize