I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
