Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
