i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize